Manuel's Blog

NEW VIDEO: Manuel "Manny" Scott's Work Highlighted on PBS.

Manuel Scott - Sunday, May 06, 2012

We just found out I was highlighted on New Jersey Television. The segment with me begins at 19:15.

Watch #1 in the Nation on PBS. See more from Classroom CloseUp.

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Today I celebrate my 10th Wedding Anniversary!

Manuel Scott - Thursday, March 22, 2012

A few days ago, as my wife and I exited the airport, we were warmly greeted by the sun, and by our driver, who, with a rich, deep, warm Caribbean accent, welcomed us to St. Lucia, the place he’s called home his entire life. He took our luggage, and escorted us to his SUV. For 30 minutes, as he drove us through the island’s mountainous terrain, along its winding roads, and around an occasional cow or goat, he gave us a brief overview of the island's culture. When talking about our resort, he said, "You are staying at a nice hotel. It has a nice restaurant and a very nice view."

If “nice” is the best word he could use to describe this resort, then either he needs to travel more, or he needs to learn more adjectives. This place is not just nice, it’s paradise (I know that's not an adjective - don't start! =) ). When we pulled into the hotel’s tiny cul-de-sac, there was a woman waiting for us. Velma introduced herself to us, and told us to follow her. She walked us past some very clear, lilly-padded ponds, over a small bridge, to a very tranquil open-air check in area. Standing on the other side of the bridge was another woman who looked like she’d been waiting for us too. She gestured for us to take one of the small, white face towels, stacked in a perfectly symmetrical pyramid, off of the silver platter she was holding. The 80-something degree weather, with very little humidity, wasn’t unbearable at all, but my face and neck were still both very grateful for the cold dampness of the towel, as well as the cool, gentle breeze that was blowing through the resort. After we sat down at the small, round table that looks like one of those tables in a cafe near the Eiffel tower in Paris, another woman handed us two small glasses of the hotel’s signature, punch, on the rocks. Shaken, not stirred, and virgin, of course. ;-)

After such a fantastic reception, Velma showed us to suite “S,” our home for the week. The room is on a ladera- a hillside- overlooking the Piton mountains (pronounced PEE-ton). Our shellacked wooden front door has a little man carved into it. He is wearing a straw hat, and is seated on a small boat. With the resort's atmosphere being so welcoming, it felt like even he, the little carved man, was glad to see us.

We opened the door, and behold! One of the most breathtaking views we have ever seen! Straight ahead is our comfy living room; to our left is a sunken bedroom with a cozy, net-covered canopy bed; and, to our right is our very own plunge pool with a waterfall, and a spectacular view of the sparkling blue waters of the Caribbean. Most remarkably, the side of our room that faces the ocean and the mountains is wide open- it does not have a wall. This room marries openness with privacy, and nature with luxury better than any place we've been. So, with our wall-less room, for 24 hours a day we can, again and again, in awesome wonder, be smitten by the splendors of this heart-stopping view.

The view NEVER gets old: not in the morning when all that exists seems to sit silent before God; not in the afternoon, when the sun is all aglow in this cloudless clime; and, not even in the evening, when the frogs, crickets and critters serenade the evening sky. Here, the fresh air is cleaner, the night's sky is bluer, and the evening stars shine brighter.

This place, with all of its beauty, summons the child in you to come forth. Here, away from the busy-ness of big-city living, the pure, simple beauty of nature woos you into recapturing the wonder of life.

Well, this paradise I’ve tried to describe for you pales in comparison to the paradise going on in my life right now, as my wife and I celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary.

For the last few months, I've been in paradise mentally, emotionally, and spiritually: I have a peace that surpasses all understanding. I am blessed in the Psalm 1 sense of the word. I am fulfilled in the proverbs 3:13-18 kind of way. I am thankful in the Hezekiah Walker’s “Grateful” kind of way. I am enjoying life that is truly life in the John 10:10 kind of way. With all this in my heart, how could I not have joy? I have a great wife, three of the most amazing children, a mom who loves me, a home to live in, a business that is thriving, and I have plenty of time to spend with my family.

Furthermore, ALL of my deepest needs are being met: I love the adventure of living as an entrepreneur with a mission that keeps me on the road 150 days a year, and which allows me to meet new people, and learn new things; I have an unwavering faith in God, who is my anchor in the midst of life’s stormy seas; I have come into my own, feeling a sense of total confidence in what I’m good at, and refusing to dim my light for anyone; I am growing not only as a human DOING, but, more importantly, as a human BEING; I am making a real difference in the lives of people around the world; and, I am totally in love with my wife, who loves me a little less than I love her. ;)

I’m sharing this with you because I am convinced that much of where I am in terms of the things I just mentioned is BECAUSE of the bond me and Alice have developed over these last ten years. Yes, for 10 years, Alice has been the most wonderful wife in the world to me. She's been my best friend, my closest confidant, my biggest supporter, and my dearest companion. She knows how to talk to me with love and respect. She knows when to have crucial conversations with me. She knows when I need to be encouraged with a word or a song. She is the first to know when I need a break.

As I look back over the last 10 years, I can now see the fruit and beauty of doing life together, in marriage, much more clearly. Our love is more rich, more substantive, more heart-filling, and more meaningful than ever before. (If you want to read my post from anniversary 8, click HERE. For year 9, click HERE.

If I feel this way now, I can only imagine how I'll feel after 20 years, 30 years, and even 50 years of marriage. If I stay on the right path: keep bouncing my eyes, and directing my heart and feet away from tempting situations; If I keep praying, reading and obeying God’s Word; If I keep living with integrity, and honoring my marriage vows, I am pretty sure that in the years and decades to come, when I'm old, and the kids are grown, and the house is empty, I will be able to look back on these years and enjoy them again.

Of course there have been times when I’ve had bosses try to pressure me into putting work over family. I have had supervisors criticize me for leaving my job at 5pm on the dot. I have had co-workers accuse me of not being a team-player because I would rather rush home to be with my wife and kids than hang out with them; Some of my friendships have grown cold because I did not make as much time to hang out like I used to. I have even lost some business because I refused to speak on special family days like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Although those criticisms were not always easy to endure, the rewards for choosing my marriage, and my family, over everything else, has really paid off.

Money can't buy this. Material things can't replace this. Fame or popularity is empty compared to this. Having a happy, fulfilled, blessed marriage, and family, is the most wonderful thing in the world. One of my friends on facebook recently said it this way: “FRI(END), BOY FRI(END), GIRL FRI(END) & BEST FRI(END)...EVERY THING has an END EXCEPT FAMILY...FAMILY HAS an (ILY), which means I LOVE YOU.” For ten years I have refused to over-invest in my career and under-invest in my family. For ten years, I have spent so much of my being, my resources, and my life into my family. Now, after 10 years, I am seeing the rewards for it. It’s like a college education: you don’t really appreciate it until 10 years after graduation.

So, as I sit here in St. Lucia looking out at this astonishing view, I am basking in the joy of my marriage. I am enjoying the fullness of now. I'm not waiting to live. I am not hoping to live. I am not planning to live. I am fully alive, Right Now. Alive with love, filled with gratitude, and overwhelmed by God's goodness and favor.

For those of you who were there with us on March 23, 2002, and who have been a part of these past ten years, I thank you. For those of you who are newly married or facing tough times, keep working at it until it’s right. It can get better. For all of you, near or far, who have trusted me with your friendship, and who have believed and supported me through the years, I thank you. My life is richer because you're in it.

FINALLY, if you’ve made it this far in this blog post, you deserve a little treat. Since I can't yet give you a RE-treat, I'll give you an EYE-treat. Below is a video clip of the room I’m in right now. This video doesn’t even come close to capturing the fullness of St. Lucia's beauty.

Until next time, know how much I love you, and how thankful I am that you are in my life.

Yours,

Manny

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BREAKTHROUGH! A Teacher Stopped Me In The Parking Lot to Tell Me Her Kids Have Been Changed!

Manuel Scott - Monday, January 30, 2012

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"I Don't Think We'll Ever Be Normal Again"

Manuel Scott - Saturday, January 14, 2012

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What Kim Kardashian, Kobe Bryant, and Ashton Kutcher Could Learn from Lil' Wayne

Manuel Scott - Sunday, December 18, 2011

It seems like every time I visit TMZ another couple is getting divorced: Kobe Bryant, Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez, Deion Sanders, Ashton Kutcher, and many others have decided to end their marriages.

I have been wanting to write something on sex, love, and dating for some time, but I just haven't had the time. I don't really have the time now, but I feel compelled to write something that speaks to this divorce epidmic.

In his song, "How to Love," Lil' Wayne beautifully, and accurately, captures what I believe to be the main reason why divorce has become an epidemic in America- most people have never really learned how to love.

Yep, I never thought I'd say it, but I think Weezy may be on to something: Kobe, Kutcher, Kim, and the rest of them may not have really learned how to love.

But WHAT, I must ask, is love, and HOW exactly do we DO it? I'd like to share four Greek words with you that will help us answer those two simple, yet complex, questions.

The first, most basic, word for love in the Greek language is "philia" (φιλία). Philia refers to a kind of brotherly, or sisterly, love. It is a dispassionate, virtuous love, and usually refers to the kind love you have for a friend. More often than not, you have this kind of love for your friends, your co-workers, and your bff. You guys hang out together, go to the movies, and kick it, but that is it. No kissing, no hand-holding, no cupcakin'. You're "just friends."

The second Greek word for love is "eros" (ἔρως). Eros is passionate love, with sensual desire and longing. Most songs on the radio these days are filled with this eros kind of love. You know eros-love quite well. Eros-love is the kiss-me-through-the-phone; the-neighbors-know-my-name; the feelin'-on-yo'-booty; the let's-get-freaky-tonight kind of love. Hear me well- there is nothing wrong with that kind of love. I'm convinced that God created sex not only to make babies, but to make love. Having said that, however, making love with the wrong person, too soon, can leave you, as Lil' Wayne says, with "a lot of moments that didn't last forever," and leave you "in a corner, tryna' put (your broken heart) together." Eros love is very intoxicating.

The third word for love is "storge" (στοργή). Storge love is the kind of love that parents feel for their children. It's this love that causes me to dote over my three children, Manuel, Christopher, and Berkeley. If I could pluck a star out of the sky for every time my children have put joy in my heart, or put a smile on my face, I would hold in the palm of my hand the entire evening sky. For many parents, our children are more dear to us than our own hearts' blood. It's this kind of love that causes mothers to worry, to pack lunches, to send care packages; and, it's storge kind of love that makes dads want to buy shotguns...

The fourth, and most powerful, word for love in Greek is "agape" (ἀγάπη). Agape is unconditional love. Unlike philia, eros, and storge, agape love is not selfish. It is not done for your own self-interest. It does not necessarily benefit you. Agape love is sacrificial, selfLESS love. It is the for-worse, for-poorer, in-sickness, till-death-do-us-part, kind of love; and, at it's best, it is the "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" kind of love. Agape love is sacrificial, unconditional, selfless and godly. That kind of love NEVER fails. That kind of love is powerful!

So, what does all this talk about love have to do with marriage and divorce? Everything. You see, the staggering divorce rates in America should tell us that most people in America are getting married with a very narrow, or skewed, understanding of what love really is. Maybe they had philia, eros, and/or storge love when they went into the marriage, but it is quite obvious that by the end of the marriage, they did not have agape love. This misunderstanding has led far too many people down the aisle believing they were "in love" when in actuality they were barely "in lust," "in like," or "in lock-down."

Please hear me: you don't get married because someone is fine or sexy(though it helps); nor do you get married because someone "looks the part"- makes a lot of money, or has a good job , or attended a good school, or comes from a good family (that helps too); you don't even get married because a kid is on the way; and, you certainly don't get married because the person you're with is "convenient."

You get married if, and only if, you are "in love" with someone who, at the very least, is compatible with you spiritually, mentally, socially, and physically. You get married because you have found someone whom your soul loves. You get married because you have found someone whom you would want to be by your side when you were on your deathbed, and vice versa.

AND, once you get married, if you want to STAY married, you have to make sure you "leave"- not abandon- your parents, your friends, your other relationships. That's where many people mess up. Too few people really leave their "past" lives behind them. Instead, they go into the marriage still living, talking, and thinking like they are single. The only real difference is the wedding ring. Leave means leave, so make sure you find someone who is worth leaving your family and friends for.

Then, after you leave, you have to "cleave"- hold on for dear life- to your spouse. The road is going to get bumpy.

I say that because marriage requires a lot of work. VERY hard work. People evolve, situations change, and challenges come, especially when children get added to the mix. But you must learn to adapt if you are going to survive and thrive. You adapt by talking about everything. Everything. Talking leads to learning, learning leads to understanding, and understanding leads to longevity.

Now, at the risk of being criticized, I have a confession to make. I love you and I want to keep it 100 with you: there are times when I seriously thought about leaving my wife. There are times when I did not want to be a father or a husband. And yes, there have been times, at the most challenging point in my marriage, that if something did not change, I probably would have cheated on my wife...

BUT I remembered, time and time again, the commitment I made before God, my family, and my friends to cleave to my wife through thick and thin, through frustration and failure, and through character flaws and personal demons. And, for the sake of my marriage, I put up more boundaries, I lightened my work load, and I renewed my commitment to my wife and my family. Because of that mutual commitment that she and I have made, not only are we still together, but we are still very much in like, in lust, and in love (No, don't worry, we are not planning on having any more children!).

Sure, we've had our share of difficulties, but together, we have fought through them, and decided that NO MATTER WHAT, we are going to KEEP SHOWING UP. In marriage, when you don't believe you can take any more, that's when you need to live BEYOND belief. That's when you find out what you are really made of; that's where your character is tested, and formed, and proven; and, most importantly, that's where you learn to ask God to step in and make his strength perfect in your weakness.

These are some things I've heard my mother and father-in-law say too, in so many words. The longer I'm married, the more true their words become for me. They have been married almost 60 years, so I have a hunch they know how to love. I think they'd make Lil' Wayne proud.

If, by chance, you are in a chapter in your marriage where the ink has dried up, and you are not sure you can keep writing, let me encourage you to turn the page, shake that pen a little bit, and begin writing a new chapter in your marriage. One that is filled with agape, philia, eros, and, if you have children, storge love.

It's never too late to learn how to love, or to improve how you love. Turn the Page! Write. Now.

Do you know of any couples who have been married for a long time? I encourage you to sit down and have a heart to heart with them about the "secret sauce" of making it last forever. I bet you'll be blessed by what they share with you.

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