It's dark, but you can get a sense of the thrill from the screams! Enjoy!

I just finished speaking to the football team at Trinity College about manhood, and I thought I would write down a few of my thoughts before I jumped into all of the school work I need to do today.  

I shared with the men that they could become the Godly men that they've never met, the father's they have never had, the husbands they've never seen, and the leaders that our people need.

But how do you become a man if you've never really known one personally? How can you be a good father if you have never seen one, or a good husband if you have never met one? These are questions that I have asked myself over the years, and I believe are questions that many of the young men in the room have been asking.

Rather than trying to get deep with them, I decided to speak from my experience, about my journey, from boyhood to manhood, and about how manhood involves making certain decisions EVERY DAY.

Manhood involves making the decision daily to be a provider for your family, and to work hard to put food on the table, clothes on their backs, and keep a roof over their heads.  

It involves making the decision daily to be a protector of your family and of those who cannot defend themselves.

It involves making the decision daily to be a "priest" who prays for your family, friends, and others, asking God meet them at their point of need, and for God to be to them what you, and I, cannot be.

It involves making the decision daily to be a "prophet" who speaks truth in a loving way to others, especially your family and friends.

It involves making the decision daily that you will love your wife and family, through thick and thin.  

Being a man is not easy.  In fact, there have been times in my own journey when I thought about walking away, because of the difficulty of juggling all of the pressures that come with my various roles and responsibilities.  There have been times when my demons almost destroyed me and my family...

But I made a decision.  I made a commitment, a covenant before my God and my loved ones, to love my wife and to make sure my children never, ever have to feel the "daddy-void" that I've had in my heart for most of my life.   

I made a decision that, to be quite frank with you, sometimes hurts.  But I keep showing up. 

So, to all my brothers in the world out there who know a little bit about what I'm talking about, I want to encourage you to KEEP SHOWING UP!  I know it's hard, I know you are misunderstood, I know sometimes you feel unappreciated, and I know about the demons.  I really do.  BUT KEEP SHOWING UP!  You can make it through this, but you have to KEEP SHOWING UP! 

Our women, our children, our families, and our communities NEED you.  Keep showing up, so we can make being a man, and a man of God, mean something again.

Peace

A “good” man perseveres- he sticks it out, he stays the course, he does not tuck and run.

A good man doesn’t quit when the going gets tough. Just because your daddy wasn’t there, doesn’t mean you too have to abandon your kids.

A few minutes of pleasure is not worth 18+ years of responsibility.

It’s not worth the dirty diapers, the 18 years of child support; 18 years of baby mama drama, 18 years of telling another man he better not discipline your child; 18 years is not worth it.

A good man endures the hardship of caring for a family; of leading his family; of showing his children how to fall down and get back up; a good man doesn’t just hit it and quit it; a good man doesn’t have sex with her if he doesn’t want kids with her; a good man burns his black book when he gets married; a good man thinks his wife is beautiful even though she isn’t pretty every day; a good man takes the bumps and bruises of life, with his back against the wall, with his head bloody, but unbowed; a good man breaks the cycle of abandonment started by his daddy, and his daddy’s daddy; a good man becomes the daddy that his father never was. A good man persists through the struggle, persists through the pain, persists through heartache, persists when the bills are due; a good man persists and perseveres…. Even if your daddy wasn’t there. You can do it!

 Don't FOLLOW your heart; LEAD it. Rather than following your heart toward that which feels right in the moment, lead it toward that which is best in the long run. PERSEVERE!

A good man not only provides, but a good man also PREPARES.  Proverbs 18:22 says, “a good man leaves an inheritance to his children’s children.” What you need to understand is that that word “leaves an inheritance” is one word in Hebrew, but it is not merely a verb that is in the simple active indicative, that describes an individual’s action. That word is causative active indicative, which means that the verb not only describes the action of what the man does, but it also describes what that man causes  his children to do.

For example, when you are playing catch with a child, he doesn’t know how to catch. So the ball is going to hit him in the face, and drop to the ground.  So we have to get behind him, and position his arms to catch the ball. In other words, we need to put him in position, to prepare him to catch the ball.

In the same way, God is calling fathers to not merely have an inheritance to leave to your children, but you are also to cause your children to be in a place to receive that inheritance.  We are to prepare our children to be in a place to be ready for what we leave for them.

Too many of our children are being prepared to go to prison; being prepared to get pregnant; prepared to fail, because we won’t step up and be the men and the mentors to them. Notice that the verse doesn’t say, "send them to school, and have the teachers raise them;" it doesn’t say, "send them to the church, and let the church raise them;" it doesn’t say, "drop them off at grandma’s house, and let her raise them." No, it says you train up; you discipline; you prepare them to be in the place to carry on after you.

What we leave TO our children is not as important as what we leave IN them. Prepare them!

A good man PROVIDES.  Proverbs 13:22 says that “a good man leaves an inheritance...” A "good" man is a man who leaves an inheritance. When the Bible says that a good man leaves an “inheritance," it is talking about leaving behind wealth and faith in God.  

The people of Israel, Jewish people, have always placed a high value on land. The very promise to Abraham was a promise to inherit a land. Joshua was to lead the people into the land of Canaan, the people disobeyed and were expelled from the land, but they eventually returned to the land.

Jewish people have always placed a very high value on land. However, their hope for land has always been tied to faith in God. They believed that in order to obtain that land, and to keep that land, and for that land to prosper, they had to obey the Word of God. And they realized that in order for their community to do well, they would need to have something to pass on to their descendants.

And so, if you are going to be a “good man,” you need to have an inheritance to leave.  In other words, you have to have a job, a career, an honest source of income.

You need to do your best to save up 3-6 months of your expenses, and put it aside for rainy days. Get you some life insurance so you don’t stress your family out when you pass on; invest in a 401k or a mutual fund; stop using your credit cards until you can pay them off; build up your credit, buy you a small house; Stop blowing your money, and start preparing for your future.

You want to be in a position to leave more than some good memories behind.

It doesn't matter how much you have. Start where you are.

Last week I had the privilege of hanging out with my father-in-law, and we had a good time.   Walter Johnson ("Dad")  is almost 80 years old, was born and raised in the "old" south (Lexington, MIssissippi) when conditions for black folk weren't too pleasant.  Dad had an 8th grade education, which, according to him,  was "long enough to learn how to count my money."  

Dad has been married to mom for 54 years, has 6 children by the same woman, and worked very hard on several jobs to make sure all 6 of his kids could go to college.  He said there were many days when he was "sick as a dog," but he still went to work, because the family needed the money. No matter how hard things got, he kept pressing for his family's sake.  

The discrimination, the racism, the injustice he endured- it was all in his eyes.  His story touched me deeply, and inspired me to work harder for my family, and for others like him who have not been given the same opportunities and privileges I've had.  Dad's story reminded me of how easy many of us men have it today, compared to what our fathers, grandfathers, and great grandfathers endured.  Dad could have walked away, cheated on mom, and gave up. Instead, with God's help, he stayed, and built with mom a beautiful family. 

So, on this Father's day, with so many bad examples out there, I thought I'd post a video of our son, Manuel Walter Scott (2 years old), playing with his grandfather, who is, to me, the greatest tangible example of what a "good" man, and good father, is.  

It brings me joy to not only be the father that I never had, but also to also have a family in which which our children can know, love, and be loved by their grandfather. 

Alice and I have been toiling for the last year about what we would name our daughter- Ava, Evangeline, Sophia, Olivia? Then one day, out of nowhere, Alice said, "Berkeley!"  We both looked at each other, and sensed immediately that she was on to something- we met at U.C. Berkeley; in so many ways our time at Berkeley was so formative for both of us; and, of course, we fell deeply in love with one another at Berkeley. In fact, some of our best, most wonderful memories took place during our "Berkeley years."  So, Berkeley it was.

Then came the deliberations about Berkeley's middle name.  For some reason, I just love the name, Alice.  And, we both thought it would be nice to keep Alice's name in the family for future generations.

This morning, we drove to the hospital at 6 A.M.  We went into the delivery room a little after 8, and Berkeley arrived at 8:30. 

She weighs 8 pounds, 4 ounces; she is 20 inches long with a full head of curly hair, and she is absolutely ADORABLE!!!! Alice was very "present" the whole time, and has been able to connect with Berkeley in a way that has been quite special.

Someone said, "We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.”  If that's true, then I am SO ALIVE, because I am so keenly aware of the many, many treasures I have been given- the most beautiful and loving wife who is like a beautiful rose among a swamp of weeds; my two boys who are such charming gardeners who make my soul blossom; and now, my little angel, Berkeley, who has again lighted the flame within me to be more than I was yesterday. As a man, as a husband, and, of course, as a father.

Thank you for your warm thoughts, heart-felt prayers,and constant love.  We love you, and thank God for you.