A few days ago, as my wife and I exited the airport, we were warmly greeted by the sun, and by our driver, who, with a rich, deep, warm Caribbean accent, welcomed us to St. Lucia, the place he’s called home his entire life. He took our luggage, and escorted us to his SUV. For 30 minutes, as he drove us through the island’s mountainous terrain, along its winding roads, and around an occasional cow or goat, he gave us a brief overview of the island's culture. When talking about our resort, he said, "You are staying at a nice hotel. It has a nice restaurant and a very nice view."

If “nice” is the best word he could use to describe this resort, then either he needs to travel more, or he needs to learn more adjectives. This place is not just nice, it’s paradise (I know that's not an adjective - don't start! =) ).  When we pulled into the hotel’s tiny cul-de-sac, there was a woman waiting for us. Velma introduced herself to us, and told us to follow her. She walked us past some very clear, lilly-padded ponds, over a small bridge, to a very tranquil open-air check in area. Standing on the other side of the bridge was another woman who looked like she’d been waiting for us too.  She gestured for us to take one of the small, white face towels, stacked in a perfectly symmetrical pyramid, off of the silver platter she was holding. The 80-something degree weather, with very little humidity, wasn’t unbearable at all, but my face and neck were still both very grateful for the cold dampness of the towel, as well as the cool, gentle breeze that was blowing through the resort.  After we sat down at the small, round table that looks like one of those tables in a cafe near the Eiffel tower in Paris, another woman handed us two small glasses of the hotel’s signature, punch, on the rocks. Shaken, not stirred, and virgin, of course. ;-)      

After such a fantastic reception, Velma showed us to suite “S,” our home for the week. The room is on a ladera- a hillside- overlooking the Piton mountains (pronounced PEE-ton). Our shellacked wooden front door has a little man carved into it. He is wearing a straw hat, and is seated on a small boat. With the resort's atmosphere being so welcoming, it felt like even he, the little carved man, was glad to see us.

We opened the door, and behold! One of the most breathtaking views we have ever seen! Straight ahead is our comfy living room; to our left is a sunken bedroom with a cozy, net-covered canopy bed; and, to our right is our very own plunge pool with a waterfall, and a spectacular view of the sparkling blue waters of the Caribbean. Most remarkably, the side of our room that faces the ocean and the mountains is wide open- it does not have a wall. This room marries openness with privacy, and nature with luxury better than any place we've been. So, with our wall-less room, for 24 hours a day we can, again and again, in awesome wonder, be smitten by the splendors of this heart-stopping view.

The view NEVER gets old: not in the morning when all that exists seems to sit silent before God; not in the afternoon, when the sun is all aglow in this cloudless clime; and, not even in the evening, when the frogs, crickets and critters serenade the evening sky. Here, the fresh air is cleaner, the night's sky is bluer, and the evening stars shine brighter. 

This place, with all of its beauty, summons the child in you to come forth.  Here, away from the busy-ness of big-city living, the pure, simple beauty of nature woos you into recapturing the wonder of life.

Well, this paradise I’ve tried to describe for you pales in comparison to the paradise going on in my life right now, as my wife and I celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary.

For the last few months, I've been in paradise mentally, emotionally, and spiritually: I have a peace that surpasses all understanding. I am blessed in the Psalm 1 sense of the word. I am fulfilled in the proverbs 3:13-18 kind of way. I am thankful in the Hezekiah Walker’s “Grateful” kind of way. I am enjoying life that is truly life in the John 10:10 kind of way. With all this in my heart, how could I not have joy? I have a great wife, three of the most amazing children, a mom who loves me, a home to live in, a business that is thriving, and I have plenty of time to spend with my family. 

Furthermore, ALL of my deepest needs are being met: I love the adventure of living as an entrepreneur with a mission that keeps me on the road 150 days a year, and which allows me to meet new people, and learn new things; I have an unwavering faith in God, who is my anchor in the midst of life’s stormy seas; I have come into my own, feeling a sense of total confidence in what I’m good at, and refusing to dim my light for anyone; I am growing not only as a human DOING, but, more importantly, as a human BEING; I am making a real difference in the lives of people around the world; and, I am totally in love with my wife, who loves me a little less than I love her. ;)

I’m sharing this with you because I am convinced that much of where I am in terms of the things I just mentioned is BECAUSE of the bond me and Alice have developed over these last ten years. Yes, for 10 years, Alice has been the most wonderful wife in the world to me.  She's been my best friend, my closest confidant, my biggest supporter, and my dearest companion.  She knows how to talk to me with love and respect. She knows when to have crucial conversations with me. She knows when I need to be encouraged with a word or a song.  She is the first to know when I need a break. 

As I look back over the last 10 years, I can now see the fruit and beauty of doing life together, in marriage, much more clearly.  Our love is more rich, more substantive, more heart-filling, and more meaningful than ever before.  (If you want to read my post from anniversary 8, click HERE. For year 9, click HERE.

If I feel this way now, I can only imagine how I'll feel after 20 years, 30 years, and even 50 years of marriage.  If I stay on the right path: keep bouncing my eyes, and directing my heart and feet away from tempting situations; If I keep praying, reading and obeying God’s Word; If I keep living with integrity, and honoring my marriage vows, I am pretty sure that in the years and decades to come, when I'm old, and the kids are grown, and the house is empty, I will be able to look back on these years and enjoy them again.  

Of course there have been times when I’ve had bosses try to pressure me into putting work over family.  I have had supervisors criticize me for leaving my job at 5pm on the dot.  I have had co-workers accuse me of not being a team-player because I would rather rush home to be with my wife and kids than hang out with them; Some of my friendships have grown cold because I did not make as much time to hang out like I used to. I have even lost some business because I refused to speak on special family days like birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays.  Although those criticisms were not always easy to endure, the rewards for choosing my marriage, and my family, over everything else, has really paid off.  

Money can't buy this. Material things can't replace this. Fame or popularity is empty compared to this.  Having a happy, fulfilled, blessed marriage, and family, is the most wonderful thing in the world.  One of my friends on facebook recently said it this way: “FRI(END), BOY FRI(END), GIRL FRI(END) & BEST FRI(END)...EVERY THING has an END EXCEPT FAMILY...FAMILY HAS an (ILY), which means I LOVE YOU.”  For ten years I have refused to over-invest in my career and under-invest in my family.  For ten years, I have spent so much of my being, my resources, and my life into my family. Now, after 10 years, I am seeing the rewards for it. It’s like a college education: you don’t really appreciate it until 10 years after graduation.

So, as I sit here in St. Lucia looking out at this astonishing view, I am basking in the joy of my marriage. I am enjoying the fullness of now.  I'm not waiting to live. I am not hoping to live. I am not planning to live. I am fully alive, Right Now. Alive with love, filled with gratitude, and overwhelmed by God's goodness and favor.  

For those of you who were there with us on March 23, 2002, and who have been a part of these past ten years, I thank you.  For those of you who are newly married or facing tough times, keep working at it until it’s right. It can get better. For all of you, near or far, who have trusted me with your friendship, and who have believed and supported me through the years, I thank you. My life is richer because you're in it. 

FINALLY, if you’ve made it this far in this blog post, you deserve a little treat. Since I can't yet give you a RE-treat, I'll give you an EYE-treat.  Below is a video clip of the room I’m in right now.  This video doesn’t even come close to capturing the fullness of St. Lucia's beauty.  

Until next time, know how much I love you, and how thankful I am that you are in my life. 

Yours,

Manny  

I just finished speaking to the football team at Trinity College about manhood, and I thought I would write down a few of my thoughts before I jumped into all of the school work I need to do today.  

I shared with the men that they could become the Godly men that they've never met, the father's they have never had, the husbands they've never seen, and the leaders that our people need.

But how do you become a man if you've never really known one personally? How can you be a good father if you have never seen one, or a good husband if you have never met one? These are questions that I have asked myself over the years, and I believe are questions that many of the young men in the room have been asking.

Rather than trying to get deep with them, I decided to speak from my experience, about my journey, from boyhood to manhood, and about how manhood involves making certain decisions EVERY DAY.

Manhood involves making the decision daily to be a provider for your family, and to work hard to put food on the table, clothes on their backs, and keep a roof over their heads.  

It involves making the decision daily to be a protector of your family and of those who cannot defend themselves.

It involves making the decision daily to be a "priest" who prays for your family, friends, and others, asking God meet them at their point of need, and for God to be to them what you, and I, cannot be.

It involves making the decision daily to be a "prophet" who speaks truth in a loving way to others, especially your family and friends.

It involves making the decision daily that you will love your wife and family, through thick and thin.  

Being a man is not easy.  In fact, there have been times in my own journey when I thought about walking away, because of the difficulty of juggling all of the pressures that come with my various roles and responsibilities.  There have been times when my demons almost destroyed me and my family...

But I made a decision.  I made a commitment, a covenant before my God and my loved ones, to love my wife and to make sure my children never, ever have to feel the "daddy-void" that I've had in my heart for most of my life.   

I made a decision that, to be quite frank with you, sometimes hurts.  But I keep showing up. 

So, to all my brothers in the world out there who know a little bit about what I'm talking about, I want to encourage you to KEEP SHOWING UP!  I know it's hard, I know you are misunderstood, I know sometimes you feel unappreciated, and I know about the demons.  I really do.  BUT KEEP SHOWING UP!  You can make it through this, but you have to KEEP SHOWING UP! 

Our women, our children, our families, and our communities NEED you.  Keep showing up, so we can make being a man, and a man of God, mean something again.

Peace

Alice and I have been toiling for the last year about what we would name our daughter- Ava, Evangeline, Sophia, Olivia? Then one day, out of nowhere, Alice said, "Berkeley!"  We both looked at each other, and sensed immediately that she was on to something- we met at U.C. Berkeley; in so many ways our time at Berkeley was so formative for both of us; and, of course, we fell deeply in love with one another at Berkeley. In fact, some of our best, most wonderful memories took place during our "Berkeley years."  So, Berkeley it was.

Then came the deliberations about Berkeley's middle name.  For some reason, I just love the name, Alice.  And, we both thought it would be nice to keep Alice's name in the family for future generations.

This morning, we drove to the hospital at 6 A.M.  We went into the delivery room a little after 8, and Berkeley arrived at 8:30. 

She weighs 8 pounds, 4 ounces; she is 20 inches long with a full head of curly hair, and she is absolutely ADORABLE!!!! Alice was very "present" the whole time, and has been able to connect with Berkeley in a way that has been quite special.

Someone said, "We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.”  If that's true, then I am SO ALIVE, because I am so keenly aware of the many, many treasures I have been given- the most beautiful and loving wife who is like a beautiful rose among a swamp of weeds; my two boys who are such charming gardeners who make my soul blossom; and now, my little angel, Berkeley, who has again lighted the flame within me to be more than I was yesterday. As a man, as a husband, and, of course, as a father.

Thank you for your warm thoughts, heart-felt prayers,and constant love.  We love you, and thank God for you. 

8 years ago today, as I was moments away from getting married, my father-in-law, who has been married over 50 years, and who is one the greatest men I have ever known, approached me with what seemed like a word of advice about marriage: "So, you ready to hang yourself, man?"  WHAT!!!??? We both laughed hard. He continued, ""You ready for your funeral, I mean your marriage...same thing!"  Then, my groomsmen joined in: "Manny, even though we are on the second floor, and there are bars over these windows, I think we can still get through 'em if you change your mind. Just let us know, playa, and we got you!" The room kept erupting with laughter as the fellas teased me about the big day.

The men prayed, then appeared before the full congregation of smiling faces. 

Standing there waiting to be joined by my Alice, I began thinking about the very first time I saw her at UC Berkeley. I'll never forget the visitation of that power to my heart and brain, which created all things new; which was the dawn in me of music, poetry and art; which made the face of nature radiant with breathtaking light; when I seemed to myself wholly changed from what I was before; when a single tone of her voice made my heart beat, and the most trivial circumstance was put in the amber of memory; when I knew not how to express my devotion to so fair a form; when I wanted a brighter word than bright, and a fairer word than fair; when I became all eye when she was present; and all memory when she was gone. My Alice.

My daydream was interrupted by, "Here Comes the Bride..." and alas! There she was! My Alice.  My heart stopped. So did my breathing. Like an angel, Alice was adorned with such perfection. A tear formed at the corner of my eye, reiterating how very thankful I was to God for blessing me with such a gift.

After she joined me, I don't think we ever took our eyes off of each other, except for the few times we needed to interact with the pastor.

Before God, our family, and close friends, we made a covenant to love each other.  The vows were exchanged.  I was first: "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."  My words were barely heard by the congregation, because I was speaking to My Alice.  They were perhaps the most meaningful words I have ever uttered.  When Alice's turn came to repeat the vows, she tearfully spoke.  

You could feel the emotion charged behind the words; it wasn't simply a recitation.  It was two hearts pouring out words that meant more to us than simply speaking them could show.  It was one of the most powerful moments in my life; power in frailty.

Eight years have passed since that day, and so much has changed.  I have changed in so many ways. I'm much more focused, more serious. I have a more generous waist-line, and a lot more gray hair.  I'm not as naive as I used to be.  I have responsibilities to provide for my family, protect them, prepare them for life, and be a priest who prays for and shepherds them.  So much has changed.

My Alice has changed in some ways as well.  She is no longer just my wife, she is now a mother. Much of her time is spent making sure our house is in order, our boys are taken care of, all while juggling the many things that are on her plate.

The fact is, we have two boys (and a little girl on the way) who take up most of our time. Most of these days are devoted to packing baby bags, hanging out in play-areas, feeding, changing, comforting, affirming, and teaching our boys. While we love our boys to death, we'd both be telling a story if we said we don't miss "Manny and Alice's World" sometimes.

You see, life has a way of making you grow up, change, evolve, and adapt.  We have had our share of better and WORSE, health and SICKNESS, richer and POORER- mountains and valleys. 

With so much that has changed, there is one thing that has stayed the same: how much I still love my Alice. I love her more now than I did on that day 8 years ago.  She is more beautiful, more fun, more fantastic, and more amazing.  She is still the sugar in my kool-aid, the apple in my pie, and the crust on my peach cobbler.  She still lights my fire and melts my butter.  She is still the apotheosis of beauty. She is still more beautiful than a summer's day.  She is still more dear to me than my own heart's blood.  She is still MY ALICE.